A Love Affair
It’s never easy for someone who is married to admit something as painful, yet horribly clichéd as having a love affair. But it’s true. I have been unfaithful to my wife. Since Christmas, I have been having an affair with another. I should be ashamed, regretful of my actions, and repentant for my transgressions. But I am not. I will continue it, and keep it going.
I'm in love with my Wii.
It started innocently enough – I had heard about Wii, like everyone has. Since her debut, she has graced the pages of many of the periodicals I subscribe to. Her slim lines and fresh young look were almost popping off the pages. I admit it – I was bored, I was looking for something new, and she caught my eye.
What started as a mild crush became a real, living interest. I began to see her everywhere. Magazine covers. Television commercials. Trade shows. She did them all, showing her new pretty face to the world. Young and naïve, she let them take revealing pictures of her, showing up on sordid internet sites and European message boards. Overnight, it seemed, you could find her everywhere.
My interest turned into an obsession.
But yet, what is a man to do? Announce his love to the world? Reveal to those he is closest to, that he is in love with another, a ridiculous love for something so unattainable? Wii and I, we traveled in different circles. She was far beyond my reach – or so I thought.
Until one day, soon after her debut, I met her at a party. It was one of those things that just happened – you don’t plan for it, but fate intervenes. I walked into the room, and there she was – skin like alabaster, shiny and gleaming and yes, sexy – very sexy. Almost begging to be held. And so we played. She played with many that night, trading hands from person to person, seemingly more comfortable with men but evoking a special delight when in the hands of women as well.
My lust nearly overwhelmed me. I wanted to take her with me, run away, steal her from the world and keep her all to myself. But alas, the evening drew to a close, and she went home in the arms of another. I was jealous beyond the telling of it.
He didn’t love her. He wouldn’t treat her the way I would. He just wanted to own her, to have her, to keep her in a box and take her out to play whenever he had an urge. It wasn’t right.
My wife was of no consolation – how could she be? She didn’t know. I couldn’t reveal this secret love, this gaping maw that had appeared in my life, that she couldn’t fill despite her love and attention. She would never understand. She knew something was wrong, knew I couldn’t be consoled, but not the reason for my pain.
Night and day, I obsessed over my beloved Wii. Thoughts of her kept me up at night – the feel of her in my hands, the way she responded to the slightest touch, the way she noticed the slightest tremor. The delight we shared while we played together, the joy she brought to my life for that one fleeting moment. Could I have that again? Could she one day be mine? Could one day she be waiting for me at home, greet me at the door with a smile and a wink and an invitation to come and play?
When I would hear she was coming to town, I would camp out to see her. Waiting in line for hours on end, in the rain, in the cold, hoping for just a glimpse but secretly praying for something more. Time and again, I was turned away. “She’s not seeing anyone else.” “She’s gone for the night.” “Wii has left the building.”
I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I lay awake, night after night, after waking from fitful dreams of Wii – always unattainable, always just out of reach. Until one day – a chance arose.
My company threw their annual Christmas party. I heard rumors that something special was planned – that SHE might be here. Was it true? Would Wii make an appearance, or might even go home with some lucky person? It seemed absurd – too good to be true.
After weeks of waiting, the night of the party finally arrived.
On the way in the door, my shaking hand dipped into a bag and pulled out a number for the white elephant gift exchange. I unfolded the piece of paper, not daring to hope, but wishing all the same… Yes! Fourth from the end! I couldn’t believe my luck - this was the stuff of dreams!
The party was great, but I hardly noticed. Surrounded by friends, family, and my wife, my mind was elsewhere. Oh, I went through the motions – shaking hands, talking, laughing – but in my heart there was only room for Wii. Would she really be here tonight? Would she finally be mine?
Presents were opened, gifts exchanged, and surprises revealed. But no sign of Wii. My heart sank, my dreams dashed once again. But finally, in a flurry of popping ribbon and torn paper, she suddenly emerged – pristine in white and dressed to kill. Oh yes – very sexy indeed. She was obviously going home with someone that night. I had to make it me.
Others paired off with their prizes – as the candles burned low, claims were made, deals negotiated, barters and trades all around. My Wii changed hands a few times, passed around like a mere thing. But I kept my eye on her.
As the night went on, I became more and more nervous. What if something went wrong? What if she was taken by another? The thought was almost unbearable.
Until, at last my name was called. Bounding down to the stage, I feasted my eyes on the prize – the object of my affection and the source of my desire. But would it work? Would I be the one? There were four other’s behind me, and any one of them could take her way.
I consulted my colleagues, assessing their attraction and judging their level of interest. She’s too skinny for me, said one. She’s not my type, said another. I have one just like her, claimed a third. The last I looked in the eye, and asked, “Do you want Wii? If I lay claim to her, will you steal her away from me?” I was breathless in anticipation. Would I be the victor? Would she be mine tonight? My eyes were pleading to him to understand my pain, to know my need and my desire.
Perhaps he saw the faraway look of a man tormented. Perhaps he knew the obsession, understood the aching, the almost physical need. Or perhaps he knew nothing of it. But after a moment, he responded.
“You can have her,” he said. “I have my eye on that sleek one dressed in black over there.” He winked at me. “I hear she has more under the hood.”
YES!!! The final negotiations made, the deals completed, my prize awaited me. Precious Wii – she would at last be mine. I picked her up off the floor, giddy with anticipation, holding her close and ready to fight off any who would try to lay claim to her. Nothing could stop us now – not the jealous in the eyes of my coworkers, not the offers of trade, or pay, or favors called in.
But then I got back to my table, and realized my folly. I was caught. My wife, seeing my joy, seeing my holding Wii in my hands, realized the truth – I had been seduced by another.
Would this be the end of us? Was I to face a choice – “the Wii, or me?”
For years, I had tried to help her to understand why others caught my eye, why it was that when a new face appeared, it could sometimes fill needs for me that others could not. I had tried desperately to get her interested in exploring these interests together, that if I could just find one to catch her eye, she would welcome another into our lives, instead of merely looking the other way. The reply had always been negative, and I had been reluctant to ask again.
But when I approached, rather than resistance, rather than disgust, I saw a different look on her face. Bless her, she surprised me once again.
“All right,” she said. “I know what she means to you. I can even understand the attraction. You can bring her home with us – but only if you share her with me.”
So now we all live together, and we’re happy.
My wife, me, and my Wii.
