Dear Internet TV,
A while back, I was introduced to a little show called LOST - maybe you've heard of it. I'm here to say that I hate you Internet TV. So, let's talk about my favorite show, LOST. Here is what I think is happening on this damn show.
The island is actually a spaceship - no, a shopping mall and these dudes have been shrunken down by Rick Moranis. The island people actually live in those "take a penny leave a penny" water fountain things. This explains a lot of things that everyone has been wondering.
Rick Moranis is actually the man behind the whole thing, as he works for the Hanso Foundation, which, if you look closely, owns Spencer's gifts in the mall!! So I bet you wonder what's with the polar bear. Well, let me tell you. The polar is actually the Icee machine next door at the cookie factory. Oh, the black smoke? It's the smoke shop next door to Spencer's Gifts and the hatches are simply maintenance man holes....giggle.
In any case, I think I have figured out the great mystery of LOST, so give me my prize ABC you bastards! Look, I've been watching this show for long enough and I've given many hours to it when I could have been reading Civil War , damn it!!
FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY JUST FREAKING GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS BEFORE I GIVE UP ON YOU!!!
....I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean it. I'll always love you internet TV show
Warm Hugs and Kisses,
-Art Department
*dictated but not read*
